All You Given Me Is All This Cheese

Thank you to our pals Sub-Fobias and the Geery Theater for having us perform! If you weren't there... you have certainly made more terrible choices in your life. We not only made new songs on the spot (to show how much we actually rule) but also added value to our performance art. I'm just assuming you're uncultured and just don't care about real live art. History making art.


But thanks again to you, the middle class, for coming to see us and giving your 5 bucks to us. Our next show is at the Elbow Room with Bleached Palms and Father President at June 6! SF, you know you've been jealous of your bigger brother, Sacramento... so now is your chance to get back at him by seeing us lust over your cheap beer and hipster women.

Yes, give what daddy wants (That's the major of Miami!)

Home Is Where I Want To Be

I have that song stuck in my head...

But that's not the point. This Saturday we're going to continue our domination of Sacramento's precious gold at The Geery Theatre, 2130 L St at 20th. It's 5 bucks with our friends, The Sub-Fobias,  so don't buy pizza. You're getting fat.

YES WE CAN TOUR WINTER TAKES ALL TOUR EPISODE 3

SYNOPSIS:

We have finally made it to Long Beach, our 2nd location on tour. Our friend, Lauren, was really nice to offer her place for us to crash in. There was a gut feeling this show was going to be a total awkward sour fest and it did. The venue didn't book a opening band like it said it was going to do! We did promote the hell outta this one but no one came cuz the venue freakin' blew. Here's what we did before, during, and after that horrible, crappy night. Also, the person in charge of all this was no help either... WHATEV. Luckily, Lauren had Settlers of Catan. That shit rules.

This one is a bit longer because of the long wait. Not like you fucks were begging for it but you should have because your an idiot.

P.S. If you can find the spelling error you'll get a free blow hole.

THIS RIVER IS OVERFLOWING WITH SEXINESS TOPPED WITH A WHIPPED CREAM OF LUSTTT!!!!!!

I don't know if I will ever get around making another episode simply because I am lusting so fucking hard. Looks like rehab hasn't done a thing to me and I need another intervention. Adam is going to have my balls on a rope and wash himself with them. ARRRRG OMG SO SORRY SO SORRY *sad face with tears* =*(

Sup, gurl?

Anyway, we got a lotta work ahead of ourselves while we mix our new album and book our endless summer tour. We are once again playing in Sacramento this Saturday with our friends with benefits, The Sub-Fobias at The Geery Theatre, 2130 L St at 20th. It's 5 bucks! So, in case you were that dumb to miss all three Sac-Town shows well then we certainly gave you the benefit of the doubt and a 2nd chance to redeem yourself as a human being! 

Now I will continue lusting HARD. 

(Pun totally intended) 

Papa... why do you smell funny?

YO

Sorry for the lack of updates and crap. Honestly, nothing really juicy or interesting happened the last few days. I was feeling a little down lately because the Tampa Bay Rays have been bumming me out sooooo freaking much! They're 2-8 right now! Not only that, Evan Longoria is on the disabled list and Manny Ramirez retires in the beginning of the season! Dumbass got caught with PED's AGAIN. What an ass hat. I can't believe this! I am sooooooo sad! He barely did anything for the team and Manny went on being Manny and left the game with no dramatic bat at plate appearance.

That's why I am dedicating this entry to Manny. I hope that you have found happiness in leaving the team and being caught with some drug shit. You went out not in a blaze of glory but instead a firecracker that didn't even blow up.

"Whooops! I'm an idoit!

OH YEA! And congratulations to Carlos Silva who got the job with the Yankees and signed some minor league shit.  I mean even though all the good people are gone and the Yankees figure were scraping the bargain bin, someone still cares about you and your ridiculous high ERA.

"I'm hella chil, dude."

So, in terms of band stuff. Nothing. I just want to rant about some baseball shit. Tough luck you losers. However, I guess another episode will be in the works TONIGHT.

Everybody Plays Da Fool (Including You)

Like always, we want to give our thanks to the following people (you are so wonderful Sacramento! *blows kisses onto blog*):

Ask Fredrick
NoBeatings FromHolly
Survivalite
The 300 Room Lounge (for having us play)
The Capital Bowl
And you wonderful, beautiful people

Now it's time to get back to recording and mixing Slave To Love as well as book our summer tour. I don't know what it will be called yet, but you can put all your bets that Adam will think of something cleaver and funny... or just straight up stupid. Did you even hand your 10 bucks to make this vinyl happen? Yea, I will never shut up... someone has to teach you people a lesson that some things are worth 10 dollars (going to Target for low prices don't count)

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/symbolickjews/the-symbolick-jews-on-wax

A "picture" of Paul singing Friday.

Happy Dayz!

A happy birthday to our main man and drummer, Brian D! The man responsible for recording, mixing, and laying them sweet beats turns a one more year older today! His drumming resume includes projects like Mermaid Bones, Myonics, Big Hurt, Blond Kill, Lotus Feet, (Booty) Wizard, and the list goes on and on. He has also recorded a whole lotta bands that just doesn't end. Please Brian, continue not screwing up. We love you, papa!

Do I really need to remind you what you should be doing tomorrow? In the words of Al Borland, "I don't think so, Tim".

The Boys (and Girl) of Summer

Last night our lord and leader has sent out the dates for our summer tour. It looks rad so far BUT I'LL NEVER TELL. We're still in the stages of booking it and in Symbolick Jew fashion we like to drum up the drama and then give you the big let down afterward. I will give you a hint: one of our stops includes where the official Hooters hotel is.

Remember we're playing this Friday at a bowling alley. Don't forget your Homer Simpsons.
 www.capitolbowl4fun.com


And our deepest apologizes to Luis Castillo for being released by the Phillies. This is the second time he's been released this season and only in a few week time span! Don't worry Castillo. You're still a .351 hitting in my fantasy team.

Sorry everyone hates you now

77 Days To Go...

PLEASE anything will help! Just 635 dollars to go! Make a ten dollar contribution! Get a piece of a rare pokeman.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/symbolickjews/the-symbolick-jews-on-wax

Our sincere condolences to Carlos Silva who was released by the Cubs recently. You're ERA is still under a 8.53 in my heart.

Sorry you really blow

It's Called ART

Here it is! A new official music video that will surely capture your soul. The footage is actually taken from a religious music video I did last year put to the song. I honestly HATE it but Adam and Brian seem to get a kick out of it. Adam owes me a soda.

I don't know why there is five extra mins of darkness but it's art. Deal with it, you uncultured swine.

ALSO, we're playing at bowling alley this Friday! Bring your bowling ball and Big Lebowski references. 

WEBSITE: http://www.capitolbowl4fun.com/

Photo by Cheri Musrasrik

Our Thank Yous and Apoligizies

Thank you to the following wondering people *blows kisses into blog*:

The Myonics
Violent Hour
Sound Guy Josh
and you, the American public for coming to see us

Our next show will be in West Sacramento in a bowling ally at April 1st. Don't forget... if you mark that frame a 1 you'll be entering a world of pain (HAHAHAHA!! Bowling humor! Get it?! Get it?!)

Also, I want to say that I'm so sorry to Bartolo Colon for not making the Yankee's rotation. Though I'm not a Yankees fan (GO A's) I have to say that I wanted to see the big man make a come back as a starter and not as a bullpen dude. Don't fret my pudgy friend, at least the mound will be warm when you get out there for the strikes.

I know that's a Red Sox jersey you idiot.

Oliver Perez Got The Job!

REMEMBER SPACE CADETS!

We're playing the Retox Lounge this Friday with our godmother's The Myonics and Violet Hour! Starts at 8:00 so uhhhhhhh don't screw this up.

Also, congratulations to Oliver Perez who ended up getting a job; signing a minor league deal with the Washington Nationals. It looks like someone does still love you out there. Much luck to you and we hope you can throw them fastballs again (but uhhhhhhh don't screw this up).

He got the sun... kinda

Return of the MacK Attack (MARK MORRISON REFERENCE)

HEY DUDE

Everyday, you walk down those streets of downtown SF and you're constantly bothered by those donation hippies in yellow, green, and/or blue asking for your credit card to save the rain forest, starving kids or stop governments from completely ruling your life (too late for that). You tell these people nicely to fuck off because you don't have the means of a working career to give freedom some money.

"What did those starving kids, who are about to die from the burning rain forest in Peru that American hates gay marriage, do to deserve my bank account?"

That's a good question. The answer is that you should put your tips and lose coins aside for our new vinyl. Be the 2nd person to get a MP3 thingy first ($5) or be the 5th person to own the damn thing ($10). How about be the first person to be immortalize forever by having their name printed on the finest inks and cardboards that the record will be embodied in ($50). Think about it, that's like that one Russian rich woman who paid her way to go to space or some shit like that.


DO IT: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/symbolickjews/the-symbolick-jews-on-wax

YES WE CAN TOUR WINTER TAKES ALL EPISODE 2

SYNOPSIS:

We make the transition from laying the finishing touches to birthing a song. One thing I've notice about Adam is that the melody is always playing. He already wants to write the next album and has ideas to layer upon ideas presented by other members of the band. This episode not only showcases a typical band practice and the preparation of the road performances, but also displays the collaborative energy of the band.

Also, there is no footage of the first show Symbolick Jews played on tour. The only remaining proof that Sym Jews were even in Monterrey is the recorded footage of the band shown here. (I think their called Bitches In A Kitchen or some crap like that)

P.S. If you paid attention to the last episode, there's a new song for the new record (FUCK! OOPPPPPPPPSSSSSSSSSAAAAAUHOPPPPSOOOSP! NO ARRRGGG OPPS)

Oliver Perez... We Will Miss You

Hey there Stan Lee fans,

For those who didn't care reading (because you're a complete moron) I have left to another state to repair problems with my addiction of love. Very good news: I did not contract Valley Fever! The bad news is that I did not cure myself of my love addiction. However, it shouldn't be looked at as bad news anymore for I have accepted the love of myself, others, and my urge to tug-and-pull.

Now that daddy is home, it's back to rocking in the discounted world. We have a show at the Retox Lounge this Friday (March 25th) with our cousins once removed, The Myonics, and fellow rock lobsters, Violet Hour. Then it's off to our state's capital once again but this time at  the 300 Room Lounge at 900 W Capitol Ave. in West Sacramento with Ask Fredrick and Nobeatings FromHolly. That's April 1st so if you didn't get opening tickets to the Oakland A's game that day then you should go bowling with us (HINT HINT).

If you haven't been to our dumb band camp lately (luckily cuz you already downloaded everything we made within the turn of the century) there is a preview for Slave To Love

http://thesymbolickjews.bandcamp.com/

 Check that shit out or you are a stupid loser

 

P.S. I would want to say so sorry to Oliver Perez who has been released by the Mets Monday. Dry your tears, we'll always have 2004.

Sorry you suck now =(

Confession Time: Dave Chappelle Was In Sacramento (DUDE)

In 2005, Dave Chappelle flew down to South Africa before the third season of The Chappelle Show started. Comedy Central said it was because Chappelle had caught a flu. However, Chappelle told Opera that it was because he was stressed out. There were rumors that he was on some drug retreat, but Chappelle put these rumors to rest saying it was a "spiritul retreat".

I bet all ya'll thought this blog was a flippin' gimmick to just to get hot babes or some shit but guess what DINGLEBARRIES. Wrong again (like everything you've done so far in your life). I have been on a spiritul, rehab, bussiness, field trip to Arizona. To tell you the truth... I'm actually addicted to love. My intervention was last week, and it resulted in half the band crying and me accepting help. I am doing an OK job of not touching myself so far. I have rid myself of the Internet and porn (thus why the lack of blogging). But as you can see I'm updating the blog from an iPod touch I've stolen from a kid I kicked the living crap out of. That's why this blog entry blows balls. Let me tell ya that typing on this piece of crap is a pain in the ass. Only means I'm not really cured. So, I'm sorry for being a slave to love and my left hand.

Speaking of slave and masturbation, our kickstarter has offical been accepted. Adam did a cool video to get you people pumped for Sym Jews on wax.

Click on that shit Now:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/symbolickjews/the-symbolick-jews-on-wax

Or just copy and paste that shit.

As I type this, the rest of the band is tearing it up at a housewarming show. Do daddy proud guys. Do daddy proud.

The Symbolick Jews Can Also Do Winning

Adam getting a boner for Saturday's show

Thank you Sac-town to your wonderful support! *Blows kisses onto blog* 

Thanks to Happy Medium, Casey Chisholm and Doofy Doo for sharing the stage!

Thanks to The Hub for even putting up with our crap in the first place!

I realize that no one really likes reading shit. Thus why twitter exist. We fast-pace human beings can not sit down for a few mins and read shit. Kanye West has proven this. Why go into detail about why you hate Persian Rugs when you can just build up the mystery why you even said it in the first place? Making your legacy grew into five more pages for your book.

With that all said here's a cliff note version of what went down (as well as dumb stupid pictures from a digital camera. I don't apologize for leaving the date stamp on there.):

Aggressive driving

Angry drivers

Gas stops

Pee breaks

Wrong turns

Jimboys

Whisky

Grand entrences

Fog machines

Strobes 

Safeway runs

Fly swag

Rammones

Long drive home

  A horse's ass

OH YEA GURL! Yes We Done!

REMINDER TONIGHT!

The Symbolick Jews will tear it up at The Hub with Happy Medium, Doofy Doo, and Casey Chisholm. Show starts at 8:30.

This is one of Sac-town's hidden secrets so find your local dwarf troll and ask for the skinny.



YES WE CAN TOUR WINTER TAKE ALL EPISODE 1

SYNOPSIS:

Before you even go on a tour, you have to record some new jams right? The recording sessions at the studio were done for the most part, but God Is You My Brothers My Sisters still needed some fine tuning to make it sound like we mean legit business. Jasper not only laid fatty, Edward Van Halen, finger tapping solos but also helped in the mastering process. I've always felt this album sounded different than the previous releases and at the same time still kept the usual signatures that Jews are known for: experimental jam sessions, simple catchy riffs and lyrics that touch the human private parts.

Adam and Brian were always the tour veterans and I was a newbie to all this. I really wanted to record the trip and show proof in the pudding that I am a badass. Also, I don't think the band has ever had a video recording of tour. Or at least the people who did video tape the tours and said they were going to edit the videos never went around and did it. But why the two month wait? Simple: I was busy watching porno.

Image is Everything (The Spirit Commerical Said So)

Today, I had this insightful conversation about band image. Personally, I think it doesn't matter what someone is wearing. The music is the heart and soul of a band (obviously). However, Adam said I have gotten this all wrong. Image is SO important. Think about it: Melvins, The Jam, Sex Pistols, Tool... it just all makes sense now. I have been slowing our band's progress because of my lack of fly swag. Is this why we can't afford to get the next album on vinyl? I'm so sorry guys.

So, like any good indie rock band (according to Scott Pilgrim), we went to a thrift store and got some swag. This Saturday you will see me in some fly shit. It will almost look like you're really at one of your family reunions.


Say WHUT?! Ya'll didn't hear about the show this Saturday?

Alright, Sacramento! We come back for round two at The Hub!

Happy Medium
Casey Chisholm
Symbolick Jews
Doofy Doo

Show starts at 8:30

P.S. I don't know where the fucking Hub is or how much... ask your locals.
(You're supposed to know this!!)

The Pure Sound of Wax

HEY YOU!

Well, Adam Esquire Healton has given me the permission to make this blog. Personally, I feel that short fartbook twitter crap like status reports does not paint the story of what really goes on behind the scenes. What you get is just the shinny wrapping paper you get from your local school fund raiser. Here, I tell you the facts, the truth, and the skinny on who's sleeping with who and what's fucking what. Think of it as some Perez Hilton crap (that's what you people are into right?)

Anyway, we've started the process of recording the new album. So, far we got the carcass of it done and then add the trimmings and such to make it sound good. I can't really talk about the songs in detail because I know that everyone here at S. Jew Inc are really hush hush about it. I will say that the songs are catchy as hell and you'll be seeing yourself using that repeat button on your itunes more than ever.

But here's the history changing news here: WE'RE PLANNING TO RELEASE AN ACTUAL, PHYSICAL RECORD.


That's right fools. You vinyl jerks will finally have a pure sounding Symbolick Jews record in your hands. However, we're not a multi-million value band that people are holding their breath for. We're just like you people: we work jobs, ride the bus, and have sex all day.

Adam sent his submission to kickstarter. So, once that thing is up we'll link ya. From what I heard we're still getting approved for it and well the site says its never been asked for a huge sum of cash. Sorry, daddy couldn't help this time... he spent all his money at the horse tracks and whiskey.

That's it.  

OH YEA! Adam and Brian have been pestering the shit outta me to get the first episode of "WINTER TAKES ALL" tour video. I've been watching a lot of Family Guy so that takes a lot of my time. I'll upload it soon. Daddy promises.